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Your Child’s Reality in Life: When a natural parent of your child has abandoned their responsibility for his or her child, that reality is terribly painful for both you and your child. (The effect of this reality will probably continue to some degree for your child’s entire life.) This reality may be exacerbated by many factors, including your child’s last name being different from all other members of his or her family unit when you and your spouse have other children born to you both. Your spouse’s natural child may feel both the uneasy feeling of being abandoned by his or her natural parent, but also feel the concern of having a different status in the family, that of being a “stepchild” to the only father or mother he or she has ever known.
You Wish Your Child Did Not Consider Themselves to be a “Stepchild” All in your family probably already consider your child and his or her stepparent to have a real, valuable, and extremely important parent-child relationship regardless of the legal stepparent-child status. Nonetheless, both your spouse and your child may feel somewhat separated from the other for lack of a legally and socially complete and recognized family relationship. Your situation is not unique, for example, according to futureofchildren.org by the time a child of unwed parents reaches age 7, studies indicate only about 22% of fathers are in frequent contact. (Winter/Spring 2002)
Stepparent Adoption is Often an Important Healing Option. Knowing these adoption facts can help you with the knowledge to help the child. This painful reality of your child’s abandonment can often be drastically reduced by having your spouse adopt his or her stepchild. For many, adoption psychologically completes the parent-child relationship for both your spouse and the stepchild and provides the child with a fundamentally improved sense of security and belonging in the family unit. This completion can have significant positive impact on your child’s life in many other ways. According to a recent adoption study which can be reviewed by you at adoptivefamilies.com results reveal that children adopted into families fare as well in many important respects as those born into them.
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